Do You Get Caught Up In Emotions?

How often do you find yourself caught up in an emotion, seemingly stuck in a box with no way out? How often do you wish with all of your might that you could free yourself from the grips of strong emotions? Can meditation help you to deal with emotions?

What you formally practice in meditation should prepare you for everything that you encounter in your daily life…shouldn’t it?

Despite many hours of practice, many meditators – myself very much included – find that although their meditation feels stable, when a sudden, unexpected and strong emotion arises, meditation goes out of the window, only to be replaced by reactivity and habit. Sound familiar?

A while ago I shared a lively post about what happened to my mind during a particularly strenuous bicycle ride when doubt took hold of my mind. But sometimes it’s not even something as tough as climbing over a mountain pass, sometimes it’s as simple as dealing with a rude driver (my ongoing “practice”) or responding appropriately when your spouse or partner makes a comment that upsets you.

What happens to your mind when a strong emotion arises? Do you make the situation better or worse? Are you in control of the one thing that matters the most, your mind?

Sometimes I find myself believing that it would be much “easier” to place the blame of any strong emotion on something outside of myself. If desire arises, it’s easier to say, “I wish I had a house like that…,” or, “I wish that I bicycle like that guy.” And, if I’m feeling angry it’s much easier to say, “If only she wasn’t so….,” or, ” If you hadn’t done that I wouldn’t be so upset.” (This is why relationships can prevent us from looking at ourselves, because it’s easy to say that the other person is the reason that we feel whatever it is that we’re feeling. And it’s also why relationships can be the cause of strengthening our meditation practice.)

Your Emotions Aren’t To Blame

Although it may seem easier to lay blame on what we believe to be the cause of our emotions, the spouse, car, boss, driver, etc; when we begin to examine what’s going on within our mind, what we come to realize – sometimes painfully – is that all of this “stuff” is occurring in our mind and is not actually in the object that we’re projecting the feelings and emotions onto. There is no “out there” to blame it on. Seriously? How?

If you assume, even for a moment, that this is true, then how do you go about changing the patterns of projection and blame that you’ve reinforced for years? I’m not sure about you, but this is the part that I struggle with all of the time. I mean, seriously, if I have to take responsibility for how I’m feeling – all of the time – then does that mean that I can’t blame any of what I’m feeling on anything or anyone else!?

The Benefit of Working with Your Emotions

Before we explore the possible “how” of working with our emotions, let’s look at one great benefit of doing so.

For me, what keeps me on track with this kind of work is this one, simple, elegant, and liberating thought; if I can really learn this and learn how not to blame other people or factors for what I’m feeling, then I can free myself from all of this emotional baggage that can interfere with how I am with others.

In the case of my professional role in healthcare, that means that I can show up at the bedside clear and free from distractions and projections. In the case of my relationships, that means that I can show up in my marriage able to see the wonderful person who I’m married to without yearning after some “perfect” relationship. (Is there such a thing?!?)

The very first step that you’ll take in this journey is to just watch what happens within your mind when it begins to assign the emotion or feeling that you experience onto something “out there.” Simple? Not. But, for now, let’s do just that. Let’s work with the phrase, DON’T FOCUS ON THE OBJECT OF YOUR EMOTION, IT’S NOT THE CAUSE OF WHAT YOU’RE FEELING.

The next time that any thought arises, or that any emotion arises, try to work with it.

See the emotion for what it is, fleeting, impermanent, and based on habits and reactions.

What do you return your attention to when strong emotion takes over? Anchor your awareness of your emotions by mindfully attending to your breath. Use your breath as the “home base” of your awareness. Even if you find yourself feeling the intensity of your emotions, if you can plant your awareness solidly in the present, using your breath as the anchor, you may be able to work more easily with what has arisen.

Please let me know what you think of this technique; does this work for you? What happens when you try this? Also, please leave a comment and let other readers share in your successes, and failures. There’s no right or wrong here; we’re just learning how to take what arises within our mind a little less seriously.

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For more information on how to meditate, please see the Related Posts below. Also, don’t forget to download the free ebook, Can Meditation Change the Way that You View Your World?, for help with getting started in you meditation practice, and download the ebook, How to Work with the Four Distractions to Meditation to learn how to deal with some of the obstacles to meditation.

As always, please feel free to share your comments. And, as always, please feel free to contact me if you’d like to see additional content or other discussions on this site.